Will I ever “graduate” from therapy?
A friend recently asked this question and it brought to mind a loud chorus of others I’ve heard ask the same. When is the therapeutic work done? Maybe there’s not a clean answer to this. Some mental health professionals contend, “it’s when the client has met their treatment goal” or “when the panic attacks that brought them to therapy reduces to just 1x a week”. Sometimes it’s when the voice of the therapist can be internalized as your own and you’re ready to move through pain with your own internal guide.
Maybe a more personal way to frame this question could be, Where are my schools? And what do I hope for in my celebratory graduation?
My own individual therapy has been, and will likely be through the course of my life, my school. Nature, music, beloved people, and books are also my schools. These schools are containing, they keep me intact, they help me learn about the world and my own inner landscape, they help me feel less alone, they inspire awe, they keep me “plugged into” life. Therapy is one of my most important learning endeavors though, and I’m likely the lifelong student who may only “graduate” when I can’t keep attending.
So I’ll likely never “graduate” from therapy. Because I’m the stubborn student that loves the campus too damn much. But I will continue to dip in and out of contact with my other schools - maybe then my graduation will mean I’m feeling sufficiently and emotionally nourished, I can recover if I’m burnt out, graduation might also allow me to enroll elsewhere.
If you don’t see a graduation from therapy in sight, or if you don’t want a graduation from therapy, that is okay, that is welcome. There is no need for shame there. This is your school and this is your balm. You might find that your goals shift with time. You might begin therapy focusing on the fires that needed immediate extinguishing. And then maybe therapy goals move toward something a little more complex and slow - like learning how to cultivate vitality or make meaning from hard things or confronting the daunting task of forgiveness. I hope your therapist doesn’t give out grades. If you’re feeling ready to graduate from therapy, that is also okay, that is welcome. I hope you still find time to learn and to heal.
